Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon

Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why

But under skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return

He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why

You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say

He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why

But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for

Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return

He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why

I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why
And I don't know why
Why
I don't know

Who Knew by Pink

You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh
That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh
That's right

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no
No no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I'd give anything

When someone said count your blessings now
'fore they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Yeah yeah
I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew
My darling
My darling
Who knew
My darling
I miss you
My darling
Who knew
Who knew

Ahhh...

I feel I lot better than I have felt in such a loooong time. I dunno if it's because me and Sara aren't friends anymore or if it's because it's spring, I dunno, but I'm enjoying it. Immensely. And despite my being a selfish bitch, I think this is gonna turn out ok. For, well ME, that is. For Sara well.......

[23:21] Alex~: hey, can I ask you for a BIG favor...?
[23:21] thespaz92: deeepeeeends...?
[23:23] Alex~: don't ignore Sara dims for too long, and don't tell her I talked to you about it, please? >_> just calm down a lil and try to start over, please? for me?
[23:27] Alex~: <3>

Yeah. So, we'll see how well this turns out for her. But as for ME, I feel free. Like I'm flying or some shit. Life could not be any better, but with that said, it is becoming a lot more "fuzzier" than usual. I keep rethinking things over and who are my real friends and who aren't and such. I keep thinking where I'll be in 10 years and how my life would've turned out. I keep thinking about how things could've changed if I had just done that ONE thing.

It's all very confusing and my mind is sick of sorting through everything. I'm taking a break of deep thinking for a lil' bit. Tis not good for my mental state right now XD Hence whyyyy I cut things off with Sara. But she does she get that? No. Not at all. She can't POSSIBLY be able to see things from MY point of view. Not at all.

It's like she has a one track mind and if something different comes her way, she just barges through it as though it never happened and continues on that same track. There's no reasoning with a woman who can't see different sides to an argument. I mean, I've been accused of doing the exact same thing but at least I acknowledge that and I do try to see things in peoples' point of views. But sometimes, though, it just can't be done (i.e. politics, religion).

Just... sometimes I want to punch her in the throat, no joke. She just doesn't get ME. I KNOW friendships are important to her and I KNOW respecting each other is friggin' important too! For her to even THINK I don't understand that is just... hurtful and downright retarded. Clearly she doesn't know me as well as she THINKS she does.

I, Phylicia Johnson, have removed Sara from my life because I BELIEVE that this is better for me. In the long run of things, this is better for her as well. For one, she didn't have me blowing up in her face about all the bullshit she decided to throw at me. I am a meeeaaan fucker when angered and trust me, I was ANGERED. I was even close to going into the "Missile Mode" as some people call it where I just VENT on that person. I bring up every little thing that bothers me about them and throw it at their faces. I don't care if it's low or hurtful or it just DESTROYS the other person. At that moment in time, I just want them to hurt and I want them to cry.

But literally after a week or so, I'd regret it and I'd regret it for the rest of my life. I hate losing friendships when it's my fault and I've caused it. But if that's what happens, it happens. At that point, I don't deserve to be their friend so I let them go. But with Sara, I didn't want that to happen. I didn't WANT to hurt her and lose her trust forever. Her friendship is special to me whether she sees it or not and even though I've said I "don't want be friends with her right now", that doesn't mean I NEVER want to be her friend. It's just, I can't handle it right now and that it's safer for us to just not be friends. She doesn't see this, obviously and it "really hurt" and thinks "I don't respect myself and therefore doesn't respect her". Bull. That's all I gotta say.

You, Sara fucking Dinwiddie, DON'T know me as well as you think you do. I DO respect myself and a hell of a lot more than you respect YOURself. I don't even wanna HEAR how this is hurting you because, quite frankly, this isn't easy for me either despite what you may think. And as for me "running back to you" you don't have to worry about that because I won't be running back. I'll be walking back at a leisurely pace and if you accept that you were wrong and apologize, we'll be "friends" again. I know that I've done wrong by doing this, but it started with you and it should end with you. I just want you to realize that you have hurt me and I do want some sort of apology for it and in return I'll apologize for ending our friendship by "overreacting" (which I don't think I did).

So. Sound fair to you, darling?

~~The Fifi~~

The solution

[15:26] thespaz92: well since you're either not here or ignoring me I suppose I'll just tell you then. I was gonna do it after work but I wasn't sure if I'd be here sooo...
[15:27] thespaz92: um, we can't be friends right now.
[15:27] thespaz92: It's partly my fault for not realizing what I needed to do and just doing what I wanted to do.
[15:28] thespaz92: but it's also your fault for just... not getting it. I've told you before I hate it when you act like my mother and yet you continue to do so anyways. Plus, seeing you and just being around you hurts like a motherfucker.
[15:29] thespaz92: So I'd rather just cut ties with you until I can fully get a grasp on my feelings and shit. I'm sorry it had to turn out this way and that I'm telling you this kinda inproperly :/ As they say, shit happens.
[15:31] thespaz92: you can still IM if you want, I'm not gonna get rid of that. but you're not on my Facebook, nor my dA. I won't be talking to you in real life and I'll be basically avoiding you for the rest of the school year most likely.
[15:31] thespaz92: so, I suppose that's it. Have fun at work.

[Fast Forward a few days...]

[15:15] Sara Dim~: I thought you said you got rid of my FB and AIM and everything?
[15:15] thespaz92: ...are you online...? oh ok well no, I said I'd keep your AIM if wanted to talk things over or whatever.
[15:16] Sara Dim~: well, I would like to know why instead of just not speaking to me for a while we can't even be friends, but if you don't want to talk I'll stop.
[15:16] Sara Dim~: I also just wanted to tell you we're fostering again and we have a mama and two one week old kittens
[15:18] thespaz92: Sara, to be honest, for the rest of school year I'd just rather not be your friend. It's for personal reasons but I think it's best for me. I know it's selfish, but I figure I can afford to be selfish once in a while.
[15:18] Sara Dim~: alright thats fine
[15:18] Sara Dim~: I'll just stop talking then if it makes you feel better
[15:19] thespaz92: Yeah, I'd prefer that.

Yeah.

See how everything was fine right after we broke up? Well, it's not like that anymore. Sara still continues to "mother" me by going, "YOU SHOULD TRY HARDER" or "WHY AREN'T YOU DOING YOUR HW?!" and my favorite, "SORRY FOR HOPING YOU WOULD ACTUALLY DO WORK FOR SCHOOL."

I mean, WHAT. THE. FUCK.

I have exactly 4 mothers that I allow to say those things to me because 1) they're MOTHERS and HAVE kids of their own so they have the right to baby me around sometimes and 2) they're older than me and know better. YOU, Sara, just TURNED 17 and you THINK you can treat me like I'm fucking 5?! You are/were supposedly my FRIEND. I don't need you fucking saying those things to me all the time. It's not appropriate and I don't appreciate it. In fact, it HURTS every time you say those things because I already hear them from my OWN mother. Plus, I've told you BEFORE that I hate it when you do this and yet you still do it! I mean, do I NEED to get a neon sign that says, "Stop Talking" or something? Jesus fucking Christ...

So, for future reference, just shut the fuck up about things you claim to understand but clearly don't. And I advise you to stay the FUCK out of my life. Thanks.

~~The Fifi~~