So anyhoo

In the morning, I'll be heading up to IUP for a college tour and then at around lunchtime, me and my mother will be leaving for New Hampshire Institute of Art where I will be staying there for 2 weeks as a sort of pre-college art camp... thing. You have NOOOO idea how happy I am to be leaving Pittsburgh for 2 weeks. It'll give me time to disappear and things will hopefully start to work themselves out. But yeah...

I deactivated my Facebook a couple of days ago and won't be reactivating until after I get back from my art camp. Then I will be heading up to Otakon with mah buddies and will be having a blast for 3 days in Maryland 8D The only downside is Matt isn't coming this year D: Hopefully next year we all will be going again and SHE CAN COME YAY~ Gooood stuuuff...

On a side note, I'm fucking starving.

~~The FiFi~~

{P.S} THIS IS MY 100TH BLOG POST!!!~ Whooo! Finally an EVEN number 8D And tomorrow I'll ruin it by another blog post... *grumble mumble*

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Now playing: Ryan Star - Brand New Day
via FoxyTunes

Mr Brightside by The Killers

I'm coming out of my cage
And I’ve been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I’m falling asleep
And she’s calling a cab
While he’s having a smoke
And she’s taking a drag
Now they’re going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it’s all in my head
But she’s touching his chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, letting me go

And I just can’t look - it's killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Turning through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
‘Cause I’m Mr Brightside

I’m coming out of my cage
And I’ve been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I’m falling asleep
And she’s calling a cab
While he’s having a smoke
And she’s taking a drag
Now they’re going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it’s all in my head
But she’s touching his chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, letting me go

'Cause I just can’t look - it's killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Turning through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
‘Cause I’m Mr Brightside

I never...
I never...
I never...
I never...

Pathetic

I miss him and I want to talk to him, but I can't find the courage to txt him... ugh. Oh well. Looks like I lost his friendship as well as Emy's.

*sigh*

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Now playing: Skillet - Monster
via FoxyTunes

Raaawwwwr

So tonight I was SUPPOSE to be sleeping over Dash's house (just a way to get the fuck out of MY house -_-) when my mom comes in and she goes, "You aren't far enough in your chemistry. Either you cancel your sleepover tonight and work on it all day and tomorrow or you cancel going to Otakon when you get back."

It's like... UGH. Shut UP, mother! Jesus Christ. I've been locked in my own house for 2 fucking weeks now. Let me OUT. This is, like, torture D:

On a side note, how the fuck am I suppose to talk to Freeman? I mean, I DO need to talk him... ask him wtf is going on and if I should just stay out of his life forever and stuff. It hurts, but it has to happen. But after everything I've been hearing and witnessing, it's hard to trust that anything is the truth. Especially coming from Emy or Freeman. Just gah. I reallyyyyy didn't mean to get mixed up in this and now that I am, I want out.

Yeah, short post for today. I feel like I should post everyday for this month or at least for a while. Just so I can keep track of the things going on in my life right now and stuff.

...OTL

~~The FiFi~~

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Now playing: Muse - Soldier's Poem
via FoxyTunes

Fuck this bullshit.

My friend Matt came over my house this morning at, like 12 or so. She had seen my blog post and I had told her everything and all through the early morning we talked. About everything dealing with her boyfriend troubles, to Dim, to Freeman and Emily, to our mutual fuckard Alex and her issues, and to our family lives. We stopped talking when we finally caught got up in each others life. It felt nice to have someone to talk to and to have someone talk to ME. It was amazing and this morning I realized how much I missed talking to her. This past year I thought me and Emily were so close and so alike that there were no need for words at times, but after this... I'm rethinking that. When Matt was talking to me, I felt that it was actually me and HER who had similar minds. As her story progressed, my thoughts turned out to be true. We think so alike, we share the same feelings, and we share the same thoughts. This is what I've been looking for for like... ever. For someone to agree with me and to share my same exact thoughts and to feel as strongly as me. I know me and Matt have had our ups and downs (who hasn't?), but in the back of my mind I knew that we'd still be good friends through it all because despite what others may think, we're good for each other. In the sense that, Matt needs someone to listen to her and give her good advice when she needs and I can provide that almost ALL the time. I need someone who feels the same way as me when it comes to certain situations and to just listen and inject their opinions/advice and Matt does that indefinitely.

I mean, I'm still very close to Tyson and Liz, but after this whole entire FUCKED UP situation, I feel like me and Matt have gotten a lot closer and I missed us being this close. I like it like this and I DON'T want it to change ever again.

So, instead of having a giant ass party for my birthday, I'm thinking of just inviting Matt, Liz and Tyson and we'll just do... whatever the fuck we normally do: chill, eat, drink, repeat. I might I'll have Olivia over as well... maybe the Lesbians too... idk, but it's gonna be small. After everything has happened, I prefer a small birthday party because I know half my friends will be poisoned by Emy's lies and corrupted by Dim's manipulation. So yeah. I'm still hurt, confused, pissed, and depressed by all of this. This isn't what I need right now and this isn't what Matt needs, what Ty needs, or what Emy and Freeman need.

I have, in my mind, an idea what I want to say to Emy. I'll write it down here because this is a place where I can trust the readers I have to not tell anyone and because I want them to read my thoughts, comment on it, and offer their opinions.

So yeah. In a roundabout way, I've become stronger by this and empowered to keep going, but on the flip side, I also feel vulnerable and open.

Guess we'll have to see how this plays out. *yahoo*

~~The FiFi~~

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Now playing: Shinedown - Burning Bright
via FoxyTunes