{Why, howdy, y'all.} It's been a while. But, I've said that before and unto a more pressing matter...
Sara Dim, my girlfriend, has decided to talk to and even hang out with a girl named Devon Skelton. I call her Skeleton because she looks like one and is... disgusting.
The story behind this is that Devon, while in my high school, was a giant slut, drank alcohol and slit her wrists to the point where they left permanent scarring. She has fucked up Alex's life, Sara's life, and everyone else's life along with that because she's so fucking emotional and retarded. She relies on people to deal with her problems and her issues because she can't deal with them on her own. And so, she used Sara and Alex which in turn, made Alex cut more and made Sara way more depressed.
AND SO, after Devon was forced to graduate early because the school cops found freaking RAZORS in her book bag, she left out lives. Well, except Alex's because Alex is too nice of a person to actually let a "friend" down. But now, after a good solid year of not dealing with Dev's bullshit anymore, Sara has suddenly decided she wanted to hang out with Devon.
Oh, I'm sorry, what was that? You want to HANG OUT with the person who has ruined your life, your brother's life, and Alex's life? Well gee, there must be a GOOD reason for this.
But there isn't. Sara says she wants to see how Devon is doing and how her life is going. So, basically, giving her a second chance. A second chance Devon doesn't FUCKING DESERVE. Like, REALLY?! I can't... ugh, I'm so angry right now. I'm angry at Devon for entering her life AGAIN and if probably gonna fuck it up. AGAIN. This is such a retarded idea, I have no idea how Sara says she isn't dumb because there are SERIOUSLY times I question that. This is one of them. I don't get how someone can just... forgive this type of person who just leeches and sucks the life outa anyone.
{I. Don't. Get. It.}
It's insane. I CAN'T let her go through with this... but I am because it's her dumb decision and it's her choice. I'm not gonna control her and tell her what she can or cannot do. I'm just so... against this idea. It's not smart, it's gonna solve anything, and it's gonna be messy. I can sense it. Despite what she may think, once Devon has established a "friendship" with Sara, it'll start affecting her life. I swear it. I just... don't GET it.
Why would someone even WANT to talk to this... pitiful excuse for a human being? To try and HELP them? This person is BEYOND help. We've seen proof of this at the end of last year when she started DRINKING after being practically thrown out of our high school and her parents did nothing to stop it. She's also (from what I've been hearing) is STILL drinking in college, is fucking men like a cat in heat, and it probably still cutting herself into oblivion. In my opinion, no person like this is worth even glancing at. But, I suppose Sara sees SOMETHING in her. I don't.
I don't want this to happen. I don't want Sara to talk to her ever again. I don't want her hanging out with her. I don't want her helping Devon. I don't want her to get hurt by this. Maybe I'm overreacting... but can you BLAME me for being paranoid and a little suspicious? I mean, fucking COME ON. I just... I don't even know. I don't want Devon back in anyone's lives. She doesn't deserve it.
And maybe I like asserting myself in people's lives sometimes. Maybe I like being in other people's lives because my life is so dull.
Who knows? I surely don't. I just don't want last year to repeat.
February 25, 2010
December 20, 2009
Different.
{Yeah.} As the title says, things are prettyyyy different now...
By that I mean I've been getting the feeling that Sara Dim (MAH GIRLFRIIIEEEND~) has been acting differently towards me lately. 'Cause before we started going out and even in the beginning, she'd be all, "G'night~ :3" or "Thinking of you" and stuff. But now she's just... idk. I wanna say distant and kinda indifferent towards me .__. When she leaves our AIM convos now she's all, "bye" and then in school it's like she avoids me or something. She doesn't say hello to me or goodbye when she's leaves for homeroom... fuck, I dunno DX Maybe I'm being too clingy and demanding. Or paranoid. It's just... the little things, ya know? They make a difference. I'm not sure if she thinks it'll be awkward if she says those things to me or if it's awkward for her, but lemme tell ya, I really liked it when she told me she was thinking of me... like, REALLY REALLY liked it XD And, I dun wanna push her into doing things she doesn't wanna do because God knows how she hates being touched (by anyone). Sara's also not really, uh, "out of the closet" or anything like that. I mean, I'm bi-sexual. I literally can swing both ways and not give a shit. Sara, on the other hand...
I'm not too sure. She said she had wanted to try this out with me... but does that mean I'm just an experiment for her? Does she really like me as I like her? Does she even WANT an actual relationship with me--like dating, holding hands, kissing and shit? SO MANY UNANSWERED QUESTIONS. But, fuck, how do I ASK her all these questions? x_X I feel like that'd only pressure her and by God I do not want that. At all. I told her this would be her pace and her pace only. So I mean... yeah. I just dunno how she feels about this or about me... like she's closed off or something. I want to talk to her about this, but she's hardly online and we never have a chance to talk in school or out of school because she's busy with work and we never see each other as is in school... and I'm at fault because half of me wants to tell her this and the other half is scared. Scared of what, you might ask? Scared that she might not feel the same way or want the same things and break-up with me. Gah, I'm getting depressed thinking about that.
I'm just at a loss on what I should do, seriously x_x I want a date with her, I want to hug her, hold her, kiss her, touch her... but does she want those things with me?
~~The FiFi~~
By that I mean I've been getting the feeling that Sara Dim (MAH GIRLFRIIIEEEND~) has been acting differently towards me lately. 'Cause before we started going out and even in the beginning, she'd be all, "G'night~ :3" or "Thinking of you" and stuff. But now she's just... idk. I wanna say distant and kinda indifferent towards me .__. When she leaves our AIM convos now she's all, "bye" and then in school it's like she avoids me or something. She doesn't say hello to me or goodbye when she's leaves for homeroom... fuck, I dunno DX Maybe I'm being too clingy and demanding. Or paranoid. It's just... the little things, ya know? They make a difference. I'm not sure if she thinks it'll be awkward if she says those things to me or if it's awkward for her, but lemme tell ya, I really liked it when she told me she was thinking of me... like, REALLY REALLY liked it XD And, I dun wanna push her into doing things she doesn't wanna do because God knows how she hates being touched (by anyone). Sara's also not really, uh, "out of the closet" or anything like that. I mean, I'm bi-sexual. I literally can swing both ways and not give a shit. Sara, on the other hand...
I'm not too sure. She said she had wanted to try this out with me... but does that mean I'm just an experiment for her? Does she really like me as I like her? Does she even WANT an actual relationship with me--like dating, holding hands, kissing and shit? SO MANY UNANSWERED QUESTIONS. But, fuck, how do I ASK her all these questions? x_X I feel like that'd only pressure her and by God I do not want that. At all. I told her this would be her pace and her pace only. So I mean... yeah. I just dunno how she feels about this or about me... like she's closed off or something. I want to talk to her about this, but she's hardly online and we never have a chance to talk in school or out of school because she's busy with work and we never see each other as is in school... and I'm at fault because half of me wants to tell her this and the other half is scared. Scared of what, you might ask? Scared that she might not feel the same way or want the same things and break-up with me. Gah, I'm getting depressed thinking about that.
I'm just at a loss on what I should do, seriously x_x I want a date with her, I want to hug her, hold her, kiss her, touch her... but does she want those things with me?
~~The FiFi~~
December 15, 2009
Why do I do ANYTHING anymore...
Ok, so, yeah I haven't posted here in a while because my life was kinda mundane then and not really interesting. But, fucking RECENTLY life has taken a turn for the worse.
One; motherfucking CHEM class is a fucking BITCH this year. I won't even beGIN to describe my long-lasting hate for my teacher, Mrs. Marks (may someone kill her in her sleep) because, seriously, how can one LEARN a section of chemistry in one day then learn a completely DIFFERENT lesson the next day? Yeah, I can't. Hence why I'm failing it so, soooo badly. Luckily, Doc Fro is the best chem teacher in the world and has made me finally understand SOME of the stuff we're learning. God bless him.
Two; I AM NOT PLANNING ANYTHING FOR MY FRIENDS AGAIN. EVER. Fuck homecoming, Sadies, parties--WHATEVER. It doesn't matter who I plan with or how I plan it or what I plan, things always get fucked UP because someone has to change their fucking minds and change the plan MANY FUCKING TIMES. God, don't get me STARTED on Homecoming... just basically, I'll plan it with someone else and we'll go, "Hey, lets do this, this, this, and this." And everyone is all, "SURE~ OK~ :D" until a week before the date is set and someone'll come up with a BETTER idea and change the entire thing, making the group confused. Sehr confused. Which is what is happening now with the Secret Santa bullshit I put together with the idea that everyone wanted to do it and I basically just wrote down names on a sheet of paper and passed them out to Tards.
AND GUESS WHAT. Something as SIMPLE as that got COMPLETELY changed because of what Bekah said to Sara Dim earlier today. Because, APPARENTLY, passing out the gifts we got for each other is not the "proper" way to fucking do a Secret Santa thing. WHO THE FUCK CARES? Does it LOOK like I care? No. But, hey! Just little ol' ME here thinking of the EASIEST fucking way to do anything and here goes Bekah fucking it up. She even told me we should do it in school because she's having a party this Saturday and some of the people doing Secret Santas are NOT. INVITED. But then today she changed her mind because apparently we CAN now do it at her house despite the fact 10 people won't be there.
How BRILLIANT is THAT plan? So fucking brilliant I want to have her an award saying, "Here's to the Brightest Dumbass in the World." Because, seriously, she had told me WEEKS beforehand we should just do it in school and (though this IS my fault) I had messaged people today, Hey, we're doing this shit in school because it's easier kthxbai. Then Sara (God how I love and hate this woman) replied to the thread saying, Hey, no we're not, we're doing most of the gift giving on Saturday kthxbai.
JESUS FUCK. The people who WEREN'T invited to the Saturday were IN THE THREAD, SMARTS. Way to fucking go. So, instead of getting PISSED at Bekah, I just said, "Fine. Whatever. Do it fucking your way. I'm just gonna let you two plan since I'm not really in the Secret Santa and by now, I'm past fucking caring." Ok, well, minus all the swearing, but you get the idea.
Just... fuck. I hate trying to control people and being bitchy but when I PLAN things, I tend to expect it to go the way I planned it or how WE planned it in the freaking beginning. Whatever, I'm just being whinny and probably unreasonable (I don't care at this point) but I really needed to rant somewhere because I didn't want to get angry at them : I have a tendency of overreacting and having anger issues, so I'd rather just type it down here where NO ONE'LL see this and get it over with. :3
One; motherfucking CHEM class is a fucking BITCH this year. I won't even beGIN to describe my long-lasting hate for my teacher, Mrs. Marks (may someone kill her in her sleep) because, seriously, how can one LEARN a section of chemistry in one day then learn a completely DIFFERENT lesson the next day? Yeah, I can't. Hence why I'm failing it so, soooo badly. Luckily, Doc Fro is the best chem teacher in the world and has made me finally understand SOME of the stuff we're learning. God bless him.
Two; I AM NOT PLANNING ANYTHING FOR MY FRIENDS AGAIN. EVER. Fuck homecoming, Sadies, parties--WHATEVER. It doesn't matter who I plan with or how I plan it or what I plan, things always get fucked UP because someone has to change their fucking minds and change the plan MANY FUCKING TIMES. God, don't get me STARTED on Homecoming... just basically, I'll plan it with someone else and we'll go, "Hey, lets do this, this, this, and this." And everyone is all, "SURE~ OK~ :D" until a week before the date is set and someone'll come up with a BETTER idea and change the entire thing, making the group confused. Sehr confused. Which is what is happening now with the Secret Santa bullshit I put together with the idea that everyone wanted to do it and I basically just wrote down names on a sheet of paper and passed them out to Tards.
AND GUESS WHAT. Something as SIMPLE as that got COMPLETELY changed because of what Bekah said to Sara Dim earlier today. Because, APPARENTLY, passing out the gifts we got for each other is not the "proper" way to fucking do a Secret Santa thing. WHO THE FUCK CARES? Does it LOOK like I care? No. But, hey! Just little ol' ME here thinking of the EASIEST fucking way to do anything and here goes Bekah fucking it up. She even told me we should do it in school because she's having a party this Saturday and some of the people doing Secret Santas are NOT. INVITED. But then today she changed her mind because apparently we CAN now do it at her house despite the fact 10 people won't be there.
How BRILLIANT is THAT plan? So fucking brilliant I want to have her an award saying, "Here's to the Brightest Dumbass in the World." Because, seriously, she had told me WEEKS beforehand we should just do it in school and (though this IS my fault) I had messaged people today, Hey, we're doing this shit in school because it's easier kthxbai. Then Sara (God how I love and hate this woman) replied to the thread saying, Hey, no we're not, we're doing most of the gift giving on Saturday kthxbai.
JESUS FUCK. The people who WEREN'T invited to the Saturday were IN THE THREAD, SMARTS. Way to fucking go. So, instead of getting PISSED at Bekah, I just said, "Fine. Whatever. Do it fucking your way. I'm just gonna let you two plan since I'm not really in the Secret Santa and by now, I'm past fucking caring." Ok, well, minus all the swearing, but you get the idea.
Just... fuck. I hate trying to control people and being bitchy but when I PLAN things, I tend to expect it to go the way I planned it or how WE planned it in the freaking beginning. Whatever, I'm just being whinny and probably unreasonable (I don't care at this point) but I really needed to rant somewhere because I didn't want to get angry at them : I have a tendency of overreacting and having anger issues, so I'd rather just type it down here where NO ONE'LL see this and get it over with. :3
{So yeah.} I hate everything right now. I still stand by my word when I say I'm not planning anything for these fucking Tards ever again.
~~The FiFi~~
June 29, 2009
How Soon is Now? - t.A.T.u.
{Verse 1}
I am the son and the heir
Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and heir
Of nothing in particular
{Chorus}
You shut your mouthHow can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does
{Verse 2}
I am the son and the heir
Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and heir
Of nothing in particular
{Chorus}
There's a club if you'd like to go you
Could meet somebody who really loves you
So you go, and you stand on your own and
You leave on your own and you go home,
And you cry and you want to die.
When you say it's gonna happen "now",
When exactly do you mean? See I've already
Waited too long and all my hope is gone
{Chorus}
Best. Song. EVER. Listen to it on my playlist on the right-hand side~
June 2, 2009
Uh oh!
Looks like I forgot to post on the last day of May 8D OH WELL. Not a huge deal, but nonetheless, sorry guys XD
Anyhoo, now that BEDM is over, I probably won't be posting on here as much. Doing it everyday was very tiresome and I don't really feel like doing that again so yeah. And... um... OH YEAH. I wimped out and talked to Matt online today instead of in real life. 8D It kinda FAILED since she fucking ran out at the mention of Lizz. Whatever. They'll be more chances as the days roll on by.
[Anyhoo...] This is such a bad blog post, but I seriously have nothing on my mind right now o_o At this moment in time. So, I suppose I shall leave you there until a day comes around where I must rant/talk about some things. Until then, seeya!
~~The FiFi~~
[P.S.] Bombed my German final today 8D and I think I did OK on my Bio one, even though my nose was running the ENTIRE TIME and I felt like death during it. BUT I STILL GOT IT DONE. Hopefully I did ok D: I wasn't really thinking clearly at the end of it and when I was finished, I fell asleep for a couple minutes before I had to leave XD; Goooood stuuuuuff... yeah...
{FML}
Anyhoo, now that BEDM is over, I probably won't be posting on here as much. Doing it everyday was very tiresome and I don't really feel like doing that again so yeah. And... um... OH YEAH. I wimped out and talked to Matt online today instead of in real life. 8D It kinda FAILED since she fucking ran out at the mention of Lizz. Whatever. They'll be more chances as the days roll on by.
[Anyhoo...] This is such a bad blog post, but I seriously have nothing on my mind right now o_o At this moment in time. So, I suppose I shall leave you there until a day comes around where I must rant/talk about some things. Until then, seeya!
~~The FiFi~~
[P.S.] Bombed my German final today 8D and I think I did OK on my Bio one, even though my nose was running the ENTIRE TIME and I felt like death during it. BUT I STILL GOT IT DONE. Hopefully I did ok D: I wasn't really thinking clearly at the end of it and when I was finished, I fell asleep for a couple minutes before I had to leave XD; Goooood stuuuuuff... yeah...
{FML}
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